Sunshine After the Rain

I am going to get really personal here and tell you and the world that I have really bad PMS. I will spare you the details of despair but I will tell you that it is not just cramps and mood swings. It is a dark and deep hole that I find myself in that I dont know how to climb out of. It is the scariest place I have been, emotionally, and it makes me wonder how people deal with depression on a daily basis. It makes me have a tremendous amount of compassion for them.
So on a lighter note, I am out of that hole and i am standing in the sunshine. i am content and i feel steady and ready to take on the daily tasks awaiting me. I feel refreshed and my mind is somehow clear even though my eyelids are still very heavy. So i am just going to take time to tell my family what i love about them.
Matt- I dont know why but I never thought i would find myself in my thirties watching the Simpsons with my spouse. Last night you begged me to watch it with you and I am so glad i did. We laughed so much, as we do EVERY DAY..TOGETHER. And i realize that laughter is vital for our love because the world we live in and YOU work in is a serious and scary place. Thank you for that laughter and ALL of the MANY wonferful things about you. I could go on and on about this man...
Hayley- YOU are my beautiful burst of sunshine. I love that we can have conversations now and I am fascinated with your fascination with the world around you. As you get older, I see why Heavenly Father gave you to me first. As you go about dreaming of being a mermaid while you sing Taylor Swift songs, I am terrified you will grow up too fast. I want to protect you and cradle that kindness that is in you but let you experience all of the things in life that will make you better.
Leah- Oh Leah. You are just a bag of skittles. So sweet and colorful. But a sticky, chewy, scattered mess when opened. I cannot believe that a 30 lb being can make me feel all that you do. You make me laugh like crazy but you can make me crazy. I know this is just a chapter in your book of development and i will someday miss your care free way about you..which is commonly expressed through your hair-do. Yesterday you asked me if we could see Michael Jackson in his box (casket). You were bummed when I told you that was not possible and then you went on about something else. You are one of a kind. Stay bright. Stay happy. Stay funny.
Reese- I LOOOVE how you swing your arms now when you walk...like there is a happy tune you hear that no one else can. I think that YOU are MY happy tune. Although you are the constant tug on my leg (and you occasionally pull down my skirt in public)all you want is to have me hold you, be near me, do what i am doing and see what i see. Every morning we lay in bed together while you drink your bottle and you are not content unless our faces are touching and my arm is around you. Then you are my shadow for the remainder of the day. Nothing in this world can produce the feeling a mother has for her child. It is God-given and nothing, nothing compares. I think it is God's way of letting us feel what He feels for us.
Motherhood is ALOT of work. It is hard and it is, I think, the toughest part of this life exam. But how else would i be able to feel this joy ? Especially after feeling moments of darkness. I need my burst of sunshine, my laughter, my skittles and my happy tune. :)